I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
