Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
