i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
