I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
