Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need a beard to bite.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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