i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
