i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
