She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
