Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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