I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize