when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
