So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
