i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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