no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
