You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
