rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
