i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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