i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
