I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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