You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
