We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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