Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
