Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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