Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
