Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
