I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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