I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
