Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
