Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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