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sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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