he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
