We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
