I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
