remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
