Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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