We named our party play list daddy issues
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
