You can't motorboat a personality
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
