Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
