Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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