He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
