eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
