I will die if light touches me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
