Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
