I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize