girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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