Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
