then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
