Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
