Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
