You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
