Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
