Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
