Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
