Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
