Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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