i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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