just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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