i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize