That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
